Saturday, March 21, 2009

The Most Important Relationship in your Life is with Yourself: 10 Quick Tips to Get You in the Right Track

This article was forwarded via e-mail by a colleague at work. I thought it would be nice to share this on a weekend, as we end another busy week at work and take time off to relax and unwind. love yourself, you only have one life and you owe it to yourself to live it to the fullest! have a great weekend! :)
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Taking care of yourself is so vital to a healthy, fulfilling life that professionals, lay people, clergy, and even business organizations sing its praises. The airlines stress it (put the oxygen mask on yourself first, then the children), therapists give it as homework (focus on positive self talk and affirmations), and life coaches center their businesses on helping clients achieve it (creating work and life balance).

Self care is vital to having healthy relationships yet so few people know how to do it. Here are quick, easy tips that will get you started on the right step for healthy relationships. Start incorporating these into your life today and feel the shift in your self and your relationships tomorrow.

1. Remove ALL negative self talk from your life permanently. When you make a mistake, look for the gift in it. All mistakes have something to teach us so look for the lesson and stop with the put downs. When you hear that inner voice calling you stupid, ugly, fat, or…(fill in the blank), silence it; don’t give it more than a second’s notice and remind your self that talking negatively is not going to help you or anyone else.

2. Remove all disrespect from your life. Know that you deserve to be treated well by all people, at all times…and settle for nothing less than that. Also know that those around you deserve to be treated well at all times, by all people (including you) so do not be disrespectful to others under any circumstances either.

3. Take care of your needs first, followed by the needs of others (when it will not be harmful to you). Do not care-take others; it’s grandiose of you and an insult to the other person. The only exception to this is with a child or an extremely ill person who cannot live without someone to provide for him/her. Even then, get help and do not sacrifice your life for theirs.

4. Learn to say no. Not every request needs to be met by you. Learn to say yes to the ones you truly want to say yes to and set limits, by saying no, to the ones you know you should say no to. Too many people say a thousand yes’s to every one around them and have little left for themselves. This will not help you or your loved ones. Learn to say no when you need to--without guilt.

5. Begin to surround yourself with healthier people. Healthy people don’t hang out with unhealthy people--at least not for long. If you’re surrounded by unhealthy people, then it’s time to take an honest look at yourself and ask yourself why. Stop trying to be everyone’s savior and get yourself healthy.

6. Do not excuse abusive behavior for any reason. Too often people make excuses for their partner’s inexcusable behaviors by saying s/he was stressed, drunk, not feeling well, hurt, upset, depressed, etc. Stop the excuses. It doesn’t matter why someone’s mean to you, what matters is that they are mean. We’re all stressed, struggling, worried, etc., at some point in our lives, that doesn’t give us the right to take it out on other people. They need to stop that behavior or you need to move on.

7. Own your worth. Every single human being in this world has the same inherent worth as the next one. No one is worth any more than or less than anyone else. Every person is either someone’s son or someone’s daughter; a life is a life. We are all equal. Know this, own this, and live by this. You have a right to be on this planet and your presence impacts this planet. If you struggle with this then use affirmations to help strengthen your sense of worth. State twenty-five times a day, for thirty days, the following: "I am absolutely worthy to be in this world and I deserve to be treated well, by all people, at all times."

8. Discover the things you like to do and put some time aside to do them. You need to schedule "life breaks" into your weekly routine. If you’re home with the kids 24/7, then take some time to yourself and have your partner watch the kids for a couple hours each week. If s/he refuses, hire a babysitter. If you work 24/7, schedule in a work-free zone each week with no e-mail, phone, or projects. Fill in that time with something you like to do and enjoy yourself guilt free.

9. Stand up for yourself and stop worrying about what others will think or how they will react. Too often people avoid conflict at all cost. They stay away from difficult conversations, "eat" their feelings, and don’t stand up for themselves when an injustice has been done or they’ve been slighted. Excuses include: s/he’ll just get mad, I don’t want to make things more difficult than they already are, he’s not a talker, and on and on. Speaking your truth is not about your partner; it’s about you taking care of yourself. Forget about what you imagine his/her response is going to be and focus on you. Speak it respectfully and with love… AND SPEAK IT.

10. Realize that people in your inner circle need to treat you the best. I’ve seen couples who treated strangers on the street better than they treated each other. That’s not okay! It’s a privilege to be in your inner circle so make sure that only those who treat you well may enter that circle and remain in that circle. (This is also true for your partner…it’s a privilege to be in your partner’s inner circle and you therefore need to treat him/her well).

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